Never Be Mine
by Michelle Rose Landau
Summary: The only way she'll notice me, the only way I'll know she's interested either way, is if I just talk to her...Love, sex, marriage, and family in 12. AU Please read and review...some feedback would be helpful.
1. one

**Never Be Mine**

By: Michelle Rose Landau

Summary: The only way she'll notice me, the only way I'll know she's interested either way, is if I just talk to her...Love, sex, marriage, and family in 12.

Genre: Romance/AU; there's still Hunger Games, but Katniss and Peeta won't be Tributes.

Pairing(s)/Characters: eventual Peeta/Katniss, Gale/Katniss, Gale/Madge, Peeta/OC

Disclaimer: I do not own _The Hunger Games _series. They are the sole creative property of Suzanne Collins.

A/N: This story is told mostly in Peeta's point of view, with Katniss' and other characters' point of view sprinkled in. It'll go AU when neither he or Katniss are chosen as Tributes for the Hunger Games each year. I wanted to explore what direction Peeta and Katniss would go in if they'd been allowed to fall in love like (mostly) normal teenagers without the influence of the Capitol and the Games, and what their roles would be in the Rebellion. I wandered into this fandom a few weeks ago after a looong writer's block. This is my first Hunger Games fanfic, and I'm excited about sharing it. Enjoy.

* * *

~**one**~

There are certain moments that happen in life that you're just sure you're going to remember, and keep close to your heart because it gives you hope and solace from the burdens of the world.

I learned this early on.

District Twelve isn't exactly a place where happy memories are made for many of the people that live here.

I live in a place called Panem. It's a complicated story that's retold in our history classes in about 50 or so ridiculously long chapters spread out through the school years.

Every year, the discussions (more like the teacher dictating to us) about it become more detailed, more complex.

Panem is located in a place that used to be called North America. Before our time, a nuclear war broke out all around the world, and it reshaped governments, landscapes, and people. Millions were instantly killed by the bombs, and many more millions lost their lives due to other causes. After that, the radiation wiped out another large chunk of the population, and changed the earth's weather patterns.

What followed was a hundred years' worth of devastating rains, storms, freezes, droughts, and floods. The sea level rose and swallowed up whole parts of the worlds major continents. According to the maps, there are now only three large landmasses. The rest are broken into large islands and archipelagos, and everything else is buried under water.

Panem is the only known "civilized" nation.

People settled in Panem, and then a government arose and the districts were formed, but there were few resources going to the districts, but plenty were leaving them.

People were starving, desperate, and frustrated with the emerging government.

They rebelled. The government, run from a place called the Capitol, won.

Then the Treaty of Treason was signed into law, which instituted the Hunger Games.

Even though it's brutal, I find our history fascinating.

There are other parts of history we discuss too: The American Revolutionary War, the formation of the fifty states, other countries' customs, what the weather and various regions used to look like, what people used to do and wear, the customs.

There used to be these odd celebrations like Columbus Day, Independence Day, and these things called Super Bowls. A nation called China used to celebrate the new year with animals. A place called the Vatican used to be the center of the Catholic Church. There used to be all kinds of religions unique to every country of the world.

But mostly, it's the history of Panem, and a constant reminder of how fragile our lives are.

How can there be happiness when more times than not, for most of the people that live here, there's barely enough to eat? When every parent of children between twelve and eighteen years old has to bear the possibility and the sight of their child dying?

Sometimes I wonder, is it even possible to _eventually_ be happy? Is there even room for such emotions in the world that we live in?

The desperation is constantly around me, and I'm reminded everyday to thank whatever deity there might be out there for the small favor of my family's business.

Our bakery keeps the five of us adequately fed, and I can honestly say that in my sixteen years, I've never really wanted for anything, not the basic stuff, anyway.

My brothers and I have always been cared for physically-good clothes, regular meals, shoes, school supplies, and a bit of spending money given to us by our father-but where our emotional stability is concerned, well, as long as we can haul inventory, follow the recipes, and keep the bread and pastries coming, that's about as far as my parents' concern for our emotional health goes.

But even the small mercy I've been granted since birth doesn't keep the possibility of my name being drawn for the Reaping from happening. I've still got three more years before I'm too old for the reaping and am no longer eligible to be offered up as Tribute for the Games.

I try not to think about it.

Instead, I think about the moments I vividly remember, that made an impression on me...the moments I keep in my heart and frequently ponder.

The school bell rings, and we all get up and make our way outside and start heading our separate ways for home.

My brother Arden reminds me not to be late to the bakery, and I nod as I linger behind with some of my friends, hands in my pockets.

I hang around the schoolyard, watching the stragglers and teachers emerging from the gray building, faintly listening to the conversation my friends are having.

There's lots of us that run together, but my core group of friends are all Merchant sons: Batter Pritchett (his dad owns the haberdashery), Theo Harker (his parents own the sweet-shop), and Sander Cole (his mother owns the boutique and laundry service).

They're alright guys, and we've been coming up together in school. Our families know each other fairly well, and they are loyal.

We all of us work for our parents, so that doesn't leave a whole lot of time to socialize, but when we do, it's a good time.

I know I'll end up being late to the bakery, but I have to see her.

Finally, she appears, and the one moment that always stands out the most in my mind when I see her is the moment when I heard this girl, Katniss Everdeen, sing the Valley Song.

I've been watching her leave home from school ever since.

We were five years old then, and she was meek and smart, and deceptively strong. She still is, eleven years later, only without the two braids and dingy dresses.

She's a Seam girl, and Merchants' sons and daughters don't date for too long, or marry, Seam workers' sons and daughters. It's not exactly forbidden, it's happened before, it's just looked at as a step down. It's a strange sort of caste in our District that's never completely made sense to me.

At school, Seam girls and Merchant girls don't associate with one another. I figure it has to be a girl thing because us guys could give a shit. We hang together, play sports, and rough around, but things can get pretty heated over girls. Seams get territorial over their women, especially when it comes to a Merchant boy and a Seam girl. Seams don't let their women get their hopes up, if they had any at all.

There's just something so backwards about it, but that's just the way things are.

The first day of kindergarten, I saw Katniss, and my dad pointed her out to me. Told me about how she would have been my sister if he'd had the occasion to marry her mother. He told me how Katniss' mother broke the rules and fell in love with a Seam worker's son and married him.

Apparently, the Seam worker's redeeming quality was his singing. Being only five, I couldn't really wrap my brain around my dad's little love story...hell, I barely even understood what love was.

But then it started to make sense to me when I heard her sing. It was then that I understood how a song could make someone fall in love.

Katniss wears her hair in one braid now, intricately plaited to flow down over one shoulder, her right shoulder, and she seems partial to slacks and leggings, boots, and button down blouses these days. I'm partial to them too, they show off her figure better than the dresses she wears from time to time. I like the one braid, but I like the rare times she wears her hair down.

She's not alone.

Her sister is walking beside her; Prim is her name, I think. Short for Primrose, I've heard, but I'm not sure. They're close, I can tell. On the other side of her, is Gale Hawthorne.

The two of them are inseparable, and I can't help but feel jealous. Almost every guy in our grade and the next is jealous because Katniss is one of the more attractive girls in the school, especially for her being a Seam girl.

Most Seam girls forever smell like coal dust, are often too skinny, and too dingy. There's a rawness, a wildness to them that is, more times than not, off-putting. Still, they are smarter than the Merchant girls, more industrious, and have survival hardwired in their genetics. They're not the prettiest things around, but on a much more crude note, I've heard that they're more willing to uh..._give of themselves_, so to speak, than Merchant girls. I can see why a Merchant boy would be interested.

But Katniss is different. Her attractiveness comes from her part Merchant stock. Even at her skinniest, she's still well built and strong. She's definitely got skills, too. I hear how she hunts, how she's fierce with a bow and arrow.

Katniss provides us with squirrels for the stew my mom often makes.

She doesn't smell like the other Seam girls; she smells like soap, and the woods, and just _clean_.

What makes her even more attractive is the fact that she doesn't seem to acknowledge it, often downplays it, that and the fact that with Gale, she gives the impression that she's perpetually unavailable.

Other girls are jealous of her because she's in Gale's company, and often garners attention from other Merchant boys.

Even to a Merchant girl, Gale is a good candidate. He's only got one more Reaping, and then he won't be eligible for the Games anymore. So, for other girls who are also in their last year of eligibility, he's a prime choice.

The way he looks at her, though, everyone is starting to think that if she manages to escape the Reaping and age out, that they will marry soon after that.

It's what we call "set".

That means that when a guy and a girl go together long enough, and they both escape the reaping, and the parents approve, a wedding is bound to be right around the corner. Sometimes, parents are so confident that both of their children will not be reaped, that they'll begin saving up money to pay for the wedding.

The odd thing about it all is that Katniss is unreadable. Sure, she smiles and laughs more around the guy, but she gives away little else. Honestly, I'm beginning to think that his feelings are deeper than hers. She's very guarded, but the one thing that's clear is that Katniss is all about her sister, and trying to keep her family together.

I can respect that.

At the end of the day, family's all any of us has got.

She glances over in my direction as she chats with Gale, and on impulse, I duck my head, but I highly doubt that she notices me looking at her.

I watch her smile-_God_, that smile-and laugh when Gale picks Prim up and she sits on his shoulders.

I feel a shove to my shoulder.

"You know she's Gale's girl, right?" Batter asks.

"I know," I say.

"She's pretty stuck up for a Seam chick," Sander chimes in.

"Her mother was the apothecary's daughter," I explain. "She's got Merchant blood in her."

"She's pretty hot," Batter says. "But she's probably set."

Just the thought that Katniss may just marry Gale if she doesn't get reaped feeds the jealous part of me. It also makes me doubt my own feelings about her.

Is it possible to be _completely_ in love with a girl from the age of five? Is it even realistic? I mean, the feelings that I've had for her, they've never gone away, they've only grown as I've gotten older. Maybe one day they will fade, whether through being reaped, or just growing up, but right now, Katniss Everdeen is the girl I see myself being truly happy with.

It's crazy that I'm thinking all this because she barely acknowledges me.

I watch as they head down the gravel road to the Seam.

I look up at the clock and realize that I'm late.

* * *

"Peet, where you been? Mom's pissed, and I'm not getting my ass kicked for you again," Arden frets.

Arden is my second oldest brother; he's eighteen, and my oldest brother, Sal, is nineteen.

I walk around to the back, grab an apron, wash my hands, and my dad, Hearn, taps the watch on his wrist.

"I know, dad," I say. "I'm sorry."

Just then, my mother comes into the kitchen, fury in her eyes.

"Where the hell have you been?" She inquires.

"I left school late," I explain. "I-"

I'm interrupted when she smacks the side of my head.

Mom's a slight woman, for the most part, but I'll be damned if she didn't have a good swing in both her arms. Then again, she's had years of practice. Me and my brothers have been swatted plenty of times by her.

My mother, Lenora, doesn't have an ounce of fear in her, and us boys figured out pretty much from a young age that nurturing isn't exactly her thing.

She's all about work, and she doesn't tolerate any kind of nonsense on her time.

My brothers and I have to be downstairs by six in the morning so that we can get the prep done for mom and dad, then Arden and I head off to school.

Both my parents work from eight to three, with Sal's help, but once my brother and I arrive from school, we work the last part of the day and we work all day on weekends except Sundays.

It stays busy, and we work pretty well together.

Sal takes care of the front, Arden does the cooking with my dad, and I do the cooking, heavy lifting, and handle the money.

Even though I'm the youngest, I'm the strongest. I'm not saying that because I'm vain, it's just one of those weird family trait things. Me and my dad are strong so we both haul stuff around.

Since I was old enough to see over the counter, I've been taught to handle the money. By the time I turned fourteen, my parents handed the books over to me, and I take care of the bills, finances, and I run the register in the front.

My brothers kind of resent that, but they know that I didn't ask for the responsibility.

"Get your ass here on time, boy," she hisses. "You hear me?"

"Yes ma'am."

She points to the cellar. "I need two bags of flour."

"Yes ma'am."

I rush over to the cellar, and I hear her scolding Arden.

"I don't care if you have to chain him and drag him," she tells him. "You get him here on time...what the hell has he been doing, anyways?"

"I don't know, Mom," Arden shrugs. "Honest."

I can't hear the rest of their conversation about me, but when I emerge from the cellar with two sacks of flour on my shoulders, I hear my mother fussing.

"That boy's always had his head in the damn clouds."

Have I?

I guess it might be true of me, but it's mostly on my time.

When I have to work, I work. I have a good work ethic, I think. Even still, everyone needs a diversion.

I put the flour sacks on the floor, and use my pocket knife to cut them open.

We fill the orders and Sal gives them to our delivery guy.

The thing that makes our business unique is that everything is same-day fresh. We never serve day old bread.

Somehow, my dad has this down to a science. We make just enough throughout the day to sell out and rarely have leftovers. Whatever leftovers we do have end up going to the Seam or to the Hob.

Even though it's only a few hours' work, it's not easy.

After we close up the shop, we go upstairs to our apartment. It's a good size-three bedrooms, two bathrooms, a dining room big enough for hosting, and a living room-and it's roomy enough to where we don't feel like we're living on top of each other. Me and Arden share a bedroom, and Sal has always had his own bedroom, being the oldest, but all three of us share the bathroom.

One would expect that it would look disgusting with three boys using it, but my brothers and I keep it, and our rooms, spotless. Mom makes us clean some part of the the apartment everyday.

We don't neglect our chores because that brings trouble.

Like I said, she's not much for nurturing, compassion...or patience. She is primal in her mothering, but I never doubt that she loves me and my brothers. She's just a product of the kind of household she grew up in. Her mother, our grandmother, is the exact same way, and they simply cannot stand each other.

Mom has dinner laid out for us, and we all sit down to eat.

"Did you hear that Madge Undersee has been seen with that Hawthorne boy?" My mother says, more to my father than to me and my brothers. "I think they need to squash that before something more serious happens."

"They're teenagers," my dad shrugs off as he spears a carrot with his fork. "Let them have their bit of amusement while it lasts."

"It's more than just amusement, Hearn. You more than anyone knows what happens when one of our girls marries a Seam worker..."

I push the slimy pieces of duck around on my plate and keep the focus there, and my brothers follow suit because that kind of barb from my mother is the only thing that really hurts my dad.

I know she does it on purpose. She'll never forgive my dad for making her his second choice.

Sometimes I think my dad is still in love with Mrs. Everdeen.

"Hearn, you know I didn't mean it," Mom waves off. "You know what my point is."

"Yeah," Dad sighs. "Like I said, though. It's just teenagers being teenagers. There's worse things than Madge Undersee and the Hawthorne boy seeing each other."

"It's not true at all, though," Arden joins in. "Just ask Peet. He knows."

Dammit, I hate my brother sometimes.

"Knows what?" Mom asks, her interest piqued.

"Nothing, Mom," I say, glaring at Arden.

She snorts. "I should've known better. You are clueless, boy."

The smirk on Arden's face lets me know that he's just going to go all the way and be a real son of a bitch this evening.

"That's why he's been late," Arden reveals.

"Why?" Dad asks, and then all eyes are on me, and I want to murder my brother right now.

I know that I have to tell the truth.

"Gale's not interested in Madge," I explain. "He's close to Katniss Everdeen."

"What does that have to do with you being late, Peeta?" Mom asks me, irritation in her tone and in her eyes.

"I...I..."

"Spit it out."

How much more embarrassing can this get?

"He runs into her sister Prim," Arden fills in. "Prim's got a little crush on him, so he indulges her. Carries her bags, waits around with her until her sister and Gale show up to walk her home. That's why he's been late."

Mom frowns. "Both of them just rub me the wrong way, especially that Katniss. She looks like a trouble maker. Ugh...Seam girls. Either way, you know what your priorities are. Get to work on time."

"Yes ma'am."

The rest of dinner carries on with sparse conversation. There's a couple of questions about school for me and Arden, Sal eases in to asking Mom and Dad if he could have the day off this weekend for his "date" with this girl by the name of Constance.

"Constance Fills?" Mom inquires.

"Yes ma'am," Sal confirms.

"No," she answers, and Sal looks down at his plate.

"Lenora, the boy needs to get out," Dad argues. "All of 'em do."

"Not with Constance," Mom says firmly.

"What's wrong with her?" Dad questions. "She's a sweet girl."

"She's only interested in our business," Mom explains. "You know her father has tried to partner with us for years."

I'm not sure if my mother realizes this or not, but that's what she's said (or something similar to it) about almost every girl Sal, Arden, and I have tried to date.

Seam girls are out of the question, but no Merchant girls are good enough.

My mother is dooming us to perpetual bachelorhood.

After dinner, it's my turn to clean up the kitchen. My parents retreat to the living room to have some coffee and listen to some music on the radio. Sal heads up to his room for the evening, and Arden comes into the kitchen again.

"Why'd you bring up Katniss and Gale and then lie?" I ask outright.

He shrugs. "I guess I never realized how important Katniss is to you, even though she barely acknowledges you, until I brought her up."

"You sure it's not just 'cause you're an asshole?"

"Look, I'm sorry, Peet," Arden says sincerely. "I thought about what I was about to do to you, and I thought twice."

"Thanks," I say.

"Now, will you do me a favor?"

"Maybe," I say, putting the dishes in the rack.

"Stop being creepy and just talk to her already," he challenges. "You're killin' me with your lovesick puppy dog drama."

I shake my head. "I can't."

"C'mon, Peet. Don't be such a girl about it," he huffs, and I roll my eyes. "First of all, she's a Seam girl, I'm sure she'll be happy about the attention. Second of all, you're alright, but you're never going to be as good looking as me..."

"Yeah, keep telling yourself that," I joke.

"I will," Arden laughs, then he sobers. "And third of all, I'm not saying she's gonna realize that you've been crazy about her since kindergarten and fall instantly in love with you and marry you and have babies. Just talk to her."

With that, my brother goes upstairs.


	2. two

**Never Be Mine**

By: Michelle Rose Landau

Summary: The only way she'll notice me, the only way I'll know she's interested either way, is if I just talk to her. Love, sex, marriage, and family in 12.

Genre: Romance/AU; there's still Hunger Games, but Katniss and Peeta won't be Tributes.

Pairing(s)/Characters: eventual Peeta/Katniss, Gale/Katniss, Gale/Madge, Peeta/OC, OC/Tributes

Disclaimer: I do not own _The Hunger Games _series. They are the sole creative property of Suzanne Collins.

A/N: Thank you for the reviews, favorites, and likes! They are much appreciated. Enjoy.

* * *

~two~

I decide that I'm not going to grant Arden his favor.

I'm sure it's not going to matter to him too much, it's what we do, we're brothers. So, in the end, I'm not bothered by it.

What I am bothered by is the fact that I'm so comfortable with not approaching Katniss.

I see her in every class, except for PE, when the boys and girls are separated. I hear her name and she hears mine everyday, and yet I'm invisible to her.

I'm okay with this, and it's frustrating.

I think about what Dad said the other night, about teenagers being teenagers and enjoying the good times while they last.

Maybe that's why I'm okay with it.

It's better that I keep how I feel about her to myself because Katniss has enough to deal with, she likely won't accept me, and I get the feeling that she doesn't want to be attached to anyone, not even Gale, whose affection isn't lost on her.

Whether she says so or not, by default, she's Gale's girl.

More than that, we're both sixteen.

We're eligible to be chosen as Tributes in the Games for two more years.

Anything romantic right now is too painful to bear if it's just going to end with one or both people involved ending up in the Hunger Games. It's almost not worth it for many of us, but there's a few people who try to have a relationship just to know what it feels like.

In the seventy four years since the Hunger Games first began, District Twelve has only had two victors. One of them died, the other is a cantankerous drunkard by the name of Haymitch Abernathy.

So, the outlook is very, very bleak for any tributes that come out of Twelve.

Anything serious before age nineteen stood a significant chance of being doomed by the lethal Games.

If things were different, maybe if we were from District One, or Two, then I'd be more willing to tell her.

Right now, things are the way they are.

I look over at her, and she's a bit slouched in her desk, her face again unreadable as she watches the presentation about the Dark Days. Her hair is down today, and she brushes it to drape over her right shoulder, then she crosses her arms over her chest, stifling a yawn.

When it comes to history class, she's more than a little indifferent.

I watch as she tilts her head from side to side, wanting to get the kinks out probably, then she sits up more and raises her hand.

"Yes, Miss Everdeen?"

"Can I go to the restroom?"

"Yes, but hurry back," Mr. Dellinger, our history instructor, says. "You have notes over President Snow's treaty speech."

"Of course, wouldn't want to miss that," she mumbles under her breath as she gets up and heads out.

She doesn't return, and the bell rings for lunch.

Her things are at her desk, and no one picks it up, so I make my way over to her desk and gather up her notebook and bag and I just wait for her to return right outside of the class.

We have an hour for lunch, so I've got time to wait.

Maybe I can talk to her when she comes to get her things. There's really no avoiding her, and actually, when she does come, there is no maybe. I have to speak up because to her, I'm a stranger, holding her belongings.

About fifteen minutes in, she doesn't show up. Just as I'm heading to the lunch room, Gale shows up.

He sees me with Katniss' things and he approaches me.

"I came to pick up Katniss' bag," he says.

"Uh, yeah," I say, handing it to him.

"Thanks for picking it up," Gale says, then he walks down the hallway.

Lunch comes in the form of some sort of meat, bread, and carrots.

I pick up my tray and I go outside and meet my friends on the yard.

"Are you gonna eat your carrots?" Theo asks Sander.

"Nope, have at it," Sander consents.

It's actually a nice day; there isn't a cloud in the sky, and it's not too warm, even though the summer lingers.

The older kids just kind of hang around, maybe toss a ball, or just sit around with friends and talk at this time.

The little kids are play on the playground, and I see Prim on the swings. Katniss smiles as she watches.

"Not too high, Prim," Katniss says, protective as ever. "I'm going to be right over there, 'kay?"

"Hi Peeta."

I look up, and I see Kitty Seever standing in front of me, and I blink to avoid rolling my eyes right in front of her.

Since kindergarten, I've been infatuated with a girl who doesn't even know me, and at the same time, I've been actively trying to avoid Kitty Seever, who has been actively pursuing me since the third grade.

It's painful having a conversation with this girl and her equally dim friends. She's not the sharpest pencil in the box, which is ironic because her parents are both part of the Chamber of Commerce for Twelve as accountants.

"Hi Kitty."

She sits down on the grass next to me, uninvited, I might add, and she smoothes over her blouse.

She's beautiful, there's no doubt about that; I'd be a fool not to notice the wide set, sultry eyes, her curly hair...her body... But looks only go so far for me.

"_Sooo_...you know the festival is coming," she reminds me.

The festival happens every year in September. It's the one thing Twelve prides itself on. Traders from the Hob, Merchants, musicians, and craftsmen and women come to the Square and it's a great time for everyone. They set up a huge tent for dancing, and the festival goes for a weekend.

It's a great time for everyone.

"Yeah," I say. "I have to work the booth with my family."

Hopefully that will clue her in to the fact that I won't be able to give her the time of day then, or...ever.

"Oh," she pouts slightly. "I was kind of hoping that you could get out of it for a little bit...for the dance."

"Uh, probably not," I say with certainty.

Kitty's face falls, then she gets up and walks away.

"You're an idiot," Theo accuses. "Why won't you go with her?"

"'Cause he's hung up on Katniss," Batter snorts. "Jeez, Peet. Either tell her how you feel, or forget about her. There's plenty other girls."

"If you don't want Kitty, I'll take her," Theo smirks.

"Kitty's a dim wit," Sander frowns. "She's lazy...man, if she gets reaped, she'll be dead before she gets off the plate."

"C'mon, Sander," I say. "That's a little harsh."

"Just sayin'," he shrugs. "Sure, she's hot, but that's all she's got going for her. Who wants to be with a girl that you can't have an adult conversation with?"

Hearing Sander talk about Kitty so badly, I realize that I probably hurt her feelings, but as Dad says, there are worse things.

I turn my attention back to the swings, where Prim and her friends are swinging higher, and higher.

I know that they're going to jump out of the swings.

I watch the girls jump out of the swings.

The next moments seem to happen in slow motion. Prim lands wrong, and I see her ankle twist and her hands and elbows get all scraped up by the pavement.

I see her face crumble and she screams.

"Prim!"

Katniss is distressed already, and I don't even think as I get up.

I'm closer to the swings than Katniss, but she's jetting across the field.

I run over to Prim, who is crying, and I kneel down next to her.

Katniss arrives a minute later.

"My ankle!" Prim sobs.

"Shh, let's take you to the nurse," I say softly as I scoop her up into my arms.

Katniss is right there, comforting her sister.

"Shh, it's okay, Prim," she says. "I'll look at it once we get you inside."

I take her into the front office, where the infirmary is located, and I set little Prim on the bed as the nurse scrambles.

I immediately step aside as Katniss takes over and kisses Prim's forehead.

"I'm sorry Katty," Prim hiccups.

"I told you not too high," Katniss scolds lightly. "You have to be careful, Little Duck."

I watch as Katniss argues with the school nurse about what to do to treat Prim. I find out that Prim is allergic to rubbing alcohol and that she requires some kind of herb to heal the scrapes.

The nurse looks annoyed by Katniss' pushiness, Prim's crying, and my presence.

"Katty, is my ankle broken?" Prim asks in a small, panicked voice.

"No, no, it's not broken, thank goodness," Katniss sighs, then she turns to the nurse. "Just phone for my mother please."

The nurse glares at Katniss, but Katniss isn't fazed, then she goes out to use the phone.

Katniss looks at me, her expression unreadable, and I decide that I should probably go.

Probably turns into definitely once Gale shows up, and I make my exit.

Just as I begin to make my way down the hall, I hear her voice.

"Hey..."

I turn and look at her.

"Thanks," she says.

I nod, and she goes back into the office.

Another opportunity not taken.

But then again, it's not the most appropriate time, not when all she can think about is Prim.

I'm frustrated, and I'm not sure why.

I'm supposed to be okay with just being in the background, with being basically invisible to her.

So why am I so bothered?

I'm not too sure, but I think I'm bothered because I'm giving her up too quickly. I'm pretty sure that she looks to Gale as a good friend, I can sense it and see it.

I know that if I continue to keep it to myself, that eventually, she probably will be set, and it'll be too late to know.

I put my hands into my pockets, and head back outside.


	3. three

**Never Be Mine**

By: Michelle Rose Landau

Summary: The only way she'll notice me, the only way I'll know she's interested either way, is if I just talk to her...Love, sex, marriage, and family in 12.

Genre: Romance/AU; there's still Hunger Games, but Katniss and Peeta won't be Tributes.

Pairing(s)/Characters: Peeta/Katniss, Gale/Katniss, Gale/Madge, OC/Tributes

Disclaimer: I do not own _The Hunger Games _series. They are the sole creative property of Suzanne Collins.

* * *

~three~

Painting didn't come naturally to me. It took me years to get really good at it, but I always cringe at my early efforts at frosting and decorating the cakes, cookies, and cupcakes. I was horrible, and there was a long period of time where my mother just yelled at me, criticizing my efforts.

Luckily, my dad had more patience, and he taught me and guided me.

Now, it's second nature, and I have come to appreciate and enjoy it.

My brothers aren't as adept, and they tend to leave the task of frosting and decorating to me.

In my free time, I sketch and paint. I've used empty sacks of flour as my canvases, and I have a stack of completed paintings under my bed.

My dad once gifted me with a set of chalks and pencils, knowing that I'd taken to drawing and painting seriously.

In school, I read books about art, about what art was like before the world descended into chaos and gave us Panem. I read about people like Michaelangelo and his Sistine Chapel, I read about a man named Andy Warhol and how he revolutionized modern art.

All of the finest art, books, and artifacts from times past are held in the Capitol, and part of me wishes to see it, but I know that's something that will never happen.

Traveling between Districts is illegal, and you only get to go to the Capitol as either a Tribute or an invited guest.

What I know of the Capitol has come from the Hunger Games broadcasts.

Still, I hope that one day, maybe before I die, I'll get to see paintings by greats up close.

For now, I take great pleasure reading about them in books, and I get ideas.

I got an idea a couple days ago, and I knew that I had to tread lightly. I automatically knew that I had to talk to my Dad because he understands.

I told him my plans, and he only grinned and nodded.

"I'll put something aside for you and keep your mother busy."

My dad left some ingredients for me, and I've never been more grateful to my father.

I left the house early this morning to get to school.

I find Katniss' locker, and I place the cookies I made for her and her sister on top of her pile of books, papers, and other things.

I know her locker combination, have known it since sixth grade. That does make me a little creepy.

I frown a little bit at how disorganized she is. How does she even function?

I close her locker, then I walk away, just waiting.

My gut swirls all day long.

How will she take it? God, she'll probably be a little put off by the fact that I not only know her locker number, but her combination, and the gift.

She'll probably think I'm strange and crazy, and she'll likely continue to ignore me, with good reason this time.

Jeez, I _did not_ think this one through.

Katniss' face is unreadable all day long, and I'm getting more and more anxious.

Katniss would be an amazing poker player with that face.

I see her giving some cookies to Prim at lunch, and Prim beams with excitement. Katniss grins herself as she eats a cookie. She shares them with Gale, too.

I made sugar cookies, and I iced them with primroses.

It's not the first time I've given something to Katniss.

The first time was when we were eleven, and I saw her huddled under the tree in our back yard. She was scraggily, gaunt, pale, and drenched on that cold, rainy day.

Of course I noticed how she and Prim were losing weight, how Katniss hadn't been getting sleep or sufficient meals. I noticed how much she was sacrificing. She would sit next to Prim and force Prim to eat both of their lunches. It was the single most heartbreaking thing I'd ever seen in my life.

And it _hurt_. It hurt me to the very core of my being because the girl that I liked so much was very likely going to die soon, like many children in the Seam.

It made me so angry when my mother cruelly shooed Katniss away, knowing how desperate she was.

It's the one thing I can't bring myself to forgive my mother for.

I purposely burned a couple loaves of bread, not caring about any punishments my mother was capable of dishing out towards me.

I faced and absorbed her wrath, and I waited until she was fully occupied before I tossed Katniss the burnt loaf.

She scrambled over to it frantically, desperately, shoved it under her shirt, and then she took off with it.

There are happier things I remember about her, but I always think about that rainy day.

I see her reading the note I left her.

I wrote:

_I hope Prim is feeling better. If not, these should help her along. These are for you too, Katniss. Enjoy._

_Best,_

_Peeta Mellark_

She smiles, and I blink several times to make sure that it's not in my imagination.

I focus on my lunch then, and I try to get into the conversation with my friends. I can feel her eyes watching me now and my heart races.

This is crazy.

I'm crazy for torturing myself like this.

I look over at them and I see Gale sitting next to Katniss.

He looks at me, and I quickly look away.

Though they are not touching, he's sitting close enough next to her in that possessive, back-**_the_**-**_fuck_**-off-my-woman way.

The last thing I want is to be in a pissing contest with Gale. I can take a hint; I have been taking the hint since middle school.

Maybe I should get over it-over _her_-and focus my attention on a girl who's more available.

Definitely not Kitty.

Theo can have her if he really wants her because I'm not _that_ desperate.

God help the man that's burdened with Kitty Seever.

Delly's out of the question; she's my best friend in the world, first of all, and second of all, she's not my type. It would just be weird, and I don't want to mess up my relationship with my only female friend.

Lately, we haven't been hanging out as much. Delly's got her own group of friends, and I've got mine, but we both know that we can go to each other anytime.

The bell rings, and lunch concludes, and I get up and go over to the trashcan. I dump the trash off my tray then I stack it on top of several others.

The last class of the day is Math.

I get high marks in this class because of handling the money at the bakery. I don't really like it, but I do well. I help others with the assignments and the problems, so I'm one of a few coveted partners.

We all file in and sit in our seats.

Katniss passes me, and sits in her seat. She glances over at me, but she says nothing, then she turns her attention to her books.

I'd be lying if I said that I wasn't expecting at least a thank you, or a smile, or a note, or an acknowledgment of any kind from her.

Of course I made the cookies for her and Prim because I just wanted to, but..._come_. _On_.

The concept of gratitude isn't a foreign one to her, I'm sure.

Dammit.

This is all my fault because I'm not much for words where she's concerned either.

She looks over at me again, and I meet her eyes, then we both avert our eyes and give our attention to our instructor.


	4. four

**Never Be Mine**

By: Michelle Rose Landau

Summary: The only way she'll notice me, the only way I'll know she's interested either way, is if I just talk to her...Love, sex, marriage, and family in 12.

Genre: Romance/AU; there's still Hunger Games, but Katniss and Peeta won't be Tributes.

Pairing(s)/Characters: eventual Peeta/Katniss, Gale/Katniss, Gale/Madge, OC/Tributes

Disclaimer: I do not own _The Hunger Games _series. They are the sole creative property of Suzanne Collins.

* * *

~four~

Over the next couple of weeks, I just ignore Katniss altogether.

I hate to admit it, but I'm kind of pissed off at her, and I've really begun to rethink my feelings.

It's probably a sign that I just need to move on, and see if I could eventually feel the same feelings for another girl.

I've gone with other girls before, but only briefly.

Even if it's temporary, I need to start opening my heart up to possibilities.

Now Zulee-Mae Holdren and I are going together. It's not serious, but we're getting to know one another. She's attractive, with dark skin, thick, kinky hair, curves, and compassionate eyes. She's smart, caring, and creative.

She's a Merchant, so, there's no controversy there, and I've been wanting to get to know her better.

With the festival coming in a couple weeks, I figured I could just kill two birds with one stone if I, in my brother's words, "Take my balls back" and ask out Zulee-Mae.

By asking her out, I'd have a date for the festival dance (if my mom decides to let me and my brothers go), and I'd stop Kitty from asking me everyday if I have a date yet.

I pulled her aside at lunch and asked her if she'd be interested in going with me, and she said yes and she kissed my cheek.

I know her parents in passing, and they seem pretty nice.

I knew that my mother was going to hate her, so I avoided putting her through the drama of having dinner with my family and agreed to have dinner with hers.

She's got two younger siblings who are a handful, but she's close with them. Her parents seemed to have liked me well enough. After we finished dinner, Zulee-Mae took me upstairs to her room and she showed me her sewing station.

She makes dresses, satchels, hats, and other things. She knows how to mix colors and dyes for the fabric she scrounges up.

She showed me her sketches. She's talented and she's got a steady hand.

We eat lunch together, we look at art books together, and we walk home from school together everyday.

Things have been pretty good, but not good enough.

After we finish up in the bakery and close for the night, and have dinner, my parents head to bed early, my brother goes out to the bar down the street, and me and Arden go to our room.

"You like Zulee-Mae a lot?" Arden asks as he reads his book.

I nod as I focus in on my sketch. "I do. We've got a lot of things in common, so..."

Arden snorts.

"Yeah, you sound _real_ interested..."

"I am," I insist.

He gets up and snatches my sketchbook away from me and he laughs.

"And yet you're sketching Katniss Everdeen..."

I'm going with Zulee-Mae, and I'm sketching Katniss, when I'm supposed to be ignoring her physically...and mentally.

I get up and punch Arden in his shoulder and take it back.

"Dammit, Peeta," he growls as he rubs his shoulder. "Touchy subject?"

"No," I snap. "Just don't be an asshole."

He glares at me.

"You're the asshole. You're going with one girl while still thinking about another."

"Shut up!"

"You haven't stepped up and said one damn word to Katniss, but you give her bread and cookies and expect her to just know how much you love her and fawn over you? Open her legs for-"

"Shut the hell up!"

Before I know it, we're brawling, and Arden gets a few punches in, I get a few punches and a knee in his gut in, and we tumble to the floor.

My dad comes in and pulls me off of Arden and then he gets us to opposite ends of the room.

I've got a bloody lip and my eye is stinging and will likely bruise, Arden's nose is bleeding, his lip is also cut, and his cheek is already bruised.

"What the hell is going on, boys?"

"Nothing," Arden and I say in unison.

"Doesn't look or sound like nothing," Dad says angrily.

"It's fine Dad," Arden says. "We're good."

"Yeah," I agree.

My mother appears in the doorway, and she smacks both of us for good measure.

"Clean up," she growls. "And you better not have gotten blood on the rug."

"Yes ma'am," me and my brother say in unison.

My parents go back to their bedroom, and Arden and I pick up our room.

I mull over what Arden said to me, and as we clean up and then make our way downstairs to ice various parts of our faces, I have to admit that he's right, much as it pains me.

"I forget that you're solid, bro," Arden says as he presses ice to his cheek.

We both sit at the table.

"You're right," I admit. "I haven't been fair. But you know that's not who I am..."

Some Merchant guys do favors for Seam girls, get them things that they can't get themselves, preying on their desperation, and in return, sex happens. It's sick, and it's low. I hate the guys that do that and I have to fight the urge to punch them every time I see them.

Life is hard enough for everyone in Twelve...but then to take advantage of someone's body? It's a damn shitty thing to do.

That's not my intention with Katniss, and I don't think Katniss would ever let a guy use her like that. She's too pure for that. What I feel for her is deep, she means too much to me for me to ever sink that low.

But I am angry.

I'm angry at myself, and at her.

"Arden...she didn't say a word to me. Not even thank you. I was kind of hoping that it would be a chance to finally, really talk. I thought it was the right time. But I think she's made it pretty clear. She's Gale's girl, like everyone's been saying. So yeah, I'm still thinking about her while I'm going with Zulee-Mae. Look, I owe it to myself to have these feelings for someone else, you know?"

He shrugs. "I guess. But you love who you love. Going with Zulee-Mae, or any other girl for that matter, isn't going to change that if you really think that you love her."

I consider this.

I've known for a while that what I truly feel for Katniss Everdeen is love. I'm old enough now to know what love is...kind of.

Every time I look at her, I feel this rush of happiness and warmth that I don't experience with other girls. I know everything about her, I love her voice, though she hasn't sung in public in years. She's beautiful, intelligent, caring, world weary, and tough.

I love that.

I love _her_...I mean, it's got to be love, right? Am I supposed to feel this way at sixteen? Is it supposed to be this real, this..._final_?

"I guess I am in love with her," I say out loud, and I feel scared, and relieved at having uttered it.

"In love with who?" Sal asks as he comes into the kitchen, and he stops and looks between me and Arden, taking in our battered appearances. "The hell happen to you two?"

"We were just being assholes," Arden shrugs, explaining the short of it.

Sal snorts as he grabs a roll left over from dinner. "What else is new? Oh, Peeta, there's a girl outside...I think it's one of the Everdeen-"

I don't even hear the last part of his sentence as I get up faster than I ever have and nearly tumble down the stairs to the door.

I go out to the front and I see Katniss beginning to walk away.

"Katniss!" I call out to her, and she stops and turns around.

I begin to walk toward her, but she turns and walks briskly down the road.

"Wait! Katniss!"

She's gone.

I sigh, then I look to the side, and I see a bundle sitting gingerly on top of a package.

I pick it up and I take it upstairs.

I join my brothers in the kitchen, and I set the package on the table.

"What's that?" Sal asks.

"She left a package for me," I say as I undo the bundle.

It's wild berries, and they're ripe and aromatic. I haven't had these in ages.

I next open the package, and it's a bound pad of canvas, which I'm pretty sure came from the Hob.

Now I really feel like a bastard.

I've been ignoring her, doubting my feelings, stewing in my anger, going with another girl, and in the meantime, she's been putting this gift together to show her thanks.

Dammit.


	5. five

Never Be Mine

By: Michelle Rose Landau

Summary: The only way she'll notice me, the only way I'll know she's interested either way, is if I just talk to her...Love, sex, marriage, and family in 12.

Genre: Romance/AU; there's still Hunger Games, but Katniss and Peeta won't be Tributes.

Pairing(s)/Characters: eventual Peeta/Katniss, Gale/Katniss, Gale/Madge, OC/Tributes

Disclaimer: I do not own _The Hunger Games _series. They are the sole creative property of Suzanne Collins.

A/N: Thank you for all of the reviews, favorites, and follows! They are much appreciated. Enjoy.

* * *

~five~

I like the controlled chaos of Zulee-Mae's house in the evenings. Her brother Cane, who's nine, and her sister Leenie, who's four, are running up and down the hallway upstairs. Cane is chasing Leenie with a toy sword screeching like a banshee, and of course, Leenie is screaming in that high note only toddlers can achieve.

It's a scene right out of my most pleasant dreams. Wife. House. Kids. When I think about what my future could be like if I manage to age out of the Reaping, I think of myself as a husband and father. I see myself still working at the bakery with Dad, Mom, and my brothers, then getting home just in time to kiss my wife and greet my kids as they come home from school. I see myself enjoying every minute of my children's lives and preparing myself for the grief of possibly losing one or more of them to the Hunger Games. I see myself living a fairly good life, and perhaps eventually, a life without the Hunger Games.

It's sobering.

I turn my attention back to my painting.

"It's bedtime guys," Zulee-Mae says, picking Leenie up when she runs into her arms.

Mrs. Holdren comes upstairs with two glasses of milk for the little kids.

"Did they brush their teeth?"

"Yeah," Zulee-Mae says.

"Do you and Peeta want anything?"

"No, we're fine," Zulee-Mae assures.

I'm so engrossed in what I'm painting, that I barely notice when Zulee-Mae closes the door to her room and ask a question.

I'm only pulled away by her lips against my cheek.

"Did you hear me?" She asks softly.

"Sorry," I say. "What'd you say?"

"Are you almost finished?" She asks as she sits at her sewing machine.

"Um...almost," I say, looking at my work. "I just have some little details..."

She comes over and looks at it.

"I like it," she smiles.

I painted The Square alive with the Festival.

"Thanks," I say appreciatively.

"I like the lighting you did under the tent. It looks so real. I can't wait for the Festival."

"Neither can I," I say. "But it looks like I'll be working the booth with my parents during the dance right now."

Zulee-Mae frowns slightly. "Can't you convince your dad?"

"Probably," I shrug as I mix a couple of colors. "But...he talks to her...it's...my parents have a strange relationship."

"What does your Dad see in her?"

I shake my head with a chuckle. "Your guess is as good as mine, Zulee."

She looks at me.

"I'm sorry," she apologizes. "I shouldn't talk about your parents that way."

"It's okay," I assure her.

"Does...does your mom...does she hurt you?"

I stop painting and look up at her.

I'm not angry that she asked that, I just don't want to talk about it.

Instead, I decide to change the subject.

"What time is it?" I ask.

Zulee holds my gaze, then she looks at her clock.

"It's a quarter to nine."

"I should get going," I say as I begin to pack up my things.

Just as I'm getting up, Zulee's father opens the door.

"Time to go home, Peeta."

"Yes sir," I say.

We walk to the door together, and I give her a peck on the lips.

"I'll see you tomorrow," she says and I nod.

"Night," I say, and she and her parents wave as I head down the street toward home.

When I arrive home, my parents are still up in the living room having coffee.

"I'm home," I call.

"Alright," Dad says. "There's some leftovers if you're feeling hungry."

"Thanks," I say as I open up the oven and take out the plate.

"Oh, so my cooking _is _still good enough for you," Mom huffs as she comes into the kitchen to refill her coffee. "You've been gobbling over at that Zulee girl's house."

I look up at her, unsure of how to respond.

She turns, and she grins a bit, then she musses my hair a little before returning to the living room.

I watch as she sits next to Dad, and he wraps his arm around her shoulder as she settles into him.

I find myself smiling.

A moment to keep in my heart. A happy memory made.

There's goodness in anything that's of great worth and importance to someone.

* * *

As I spend more time with Zulee, I actually do begin to push Katniss from the forefront of my mind.

I still think about her, but I have to turn it on and off when I'm around Zulee.

Zulee's a nice distraction, and I hate to admit that.

I care about her, of course, and I certainly respect her, and her family's different from mine. There's so much that I like about Zulee, and I know that we'd probably go together for a long time, if we don't turn into Tributes, and get set.

She's perfect, she's beautiful, she's everything that a guy could want in a girlfriend, in a potential wife.

But, I don't feel those feelings; I don't feel that warm, giddy feeling when I see Zulee, I don't remember little things about her, I don't feel that...want. I don't feel this deep, deep ache for her, I don't feel the stab and the spark when I look into her eyes.

It's the same story with the other girls I've gone with before: Lori Farber, Willa Tranger, Yeline Grovesby.

All beautiful, all nice Merchant girls.

It gives me both proof and frustration. Proof that I'm not crazy, that I actually am incapable of feeling the way I do about Katniss with another girl, and frustrating because even knowing this, I'm not ready to end things with Zulee.

I figure maybe, with time, I will begin to feel those things. But then I look at Zulee-Mae and see how genuinely happy she is, and I know I'm just fooling myself.

Theo finally got a hold of Kitty, and now the two of them are going together. It's pretty intense between them, and Theo is whipped, _bad_. He waits on her hand and foot, follows her around like a trained puppy, and listens to her every command. He is so wrapped up in her, likely in love with her.

I know already that they're set, and I'm not the only one that's thinking that.

Everyone's going together, it seems, as the festival dance gets closer.

Arden's going with Jorleny Pierce, a pretty girl with long, wavy blonde hair, very fair skin, and light blue eyes. She's sweet, kind of timid, but sharp. I can tell that Arden really likes her, and I'm happy for him.

After school, I walk Zulee-Mae home, and we kiss before she goes inside.

I meet up with Arden and we head to the bakery for work.

"Okay, I have a plan," Arden discloses to me quietly as we wash our hands in the basin.

"Plan?" I ask, confused. "Plan for what?"

"Convincing Mom to let us go to the dance," he explains.

Before I can stop it, I'm laughing. "Ha, yeah, because Mom is the type to be convinced of anything..."

I stop, and I can tell in his face that he's serious.

"Oh...you're actually going to execute this plan?"

"Yeah," Arden says. "So, you in?"

"Nope," I say as I grab my apron. "Arden, she's not going to let us go."

"That's where you're wrong," Sal says.

"What?" I ask.

"Dad wore Mom down," Sal explains. "Mom and Dad are going to work the booth. We can go to the dance."

I feel something like the purest joy course through me.

Those six words are going to change everything.


	6. six

Never Be Mine

By: Michelle Rose Landau

Summary: The only way she'll notice me, the only way I'll know she's interested either way, is if I just talk to her...Love, sex, marriage, and family in 12.

Genre: Romance/AU; there's still Hunger Games, but Katniss and Peeta won't be Tributes.

Pairing(s)/Characters: eventual Peeta/Katniss, Gale/Katniss, Gale/Madge, OC/Tributes

Disclaimer: I do not own _The Hunger Games _series. They are the sole creative property of Suzanne Collins.

* * *

~six~

I find out that Zulee-Mae is sick with a stomach bug, and that she won't be able to attend the festival at all this weekend. I'm disappointed, and worried, but her mother assures me that she will be alright with a few days' rest.

I ask if I can see her, and her mother tells me that it's best that I not so that I don't get sick.

"Leenie and Cane have got it too," Mrs. Holdren says. "It's terrible because Zulee was looking forward to going to the festival with you..."

"Yeah," I say. "I um...I hope that she feels better soon. I'll bring some bread."

"Thank you," Mrs. Holdren says. "She'll be fine, Peeta. Don't worry."

I nod, then she goes back inside and closes the door.

The day of the festival has come, and it seems like the school day is dragging on and on. The girls are unusually chatty and restless, talking about how they're going to do their hair, and how they've been working on their dresses for weeks for the dances.

Delly talks my head off while we're in science about how she's going with Oliver Troy, and how she's sorry that Zulee-Mae can't come with me. She promises me to find a good dance partner in place of Zulee-Mae.

"She'll be there in spirit," Delly promises. "Besides, it's not like you're two timing her or something. Gosh, stop looking so pained, Peeta."

"I'm not," I say defensively.

"You're ruminating, I can tell," she says. "Stop it. It's just a stomach flu. No one's ever died from a stomach flu."

She is so wrong about that, but I ignore it.

I look around the room and I see Madge and Katniss dutifully multitasking.

Delly is chattering away and I'm doing the experiment by myself.

I look over at Katniss and Madge, and they're talking quietly.

Madge is really the only Merchant girl that Katniss associates with on a regular basis at school, at least. She's got her other people from the Seam that she talks to, but she doesn't connect with them like she does Madge. The bond seems genuine on Madge's part because even though Madge is the Mayor's daughter, she's guarded herself, and she's often envied by the other Merchant girls because they are under the impression that she gets special treatment.

The other reason is that since Madge hangs around with Katniss, by default, she gets to be around Gale. This makes her a leper to the other girls.

Jeez, girls are damn mean, and I'm so thankful that I'm a guy.

Math class goes by quick because our instructor organized a game to help us with the unit, so we're occupied.

Finally, the bell rings, and everyone is in such a rush to get home, that no one lingers like usual. Within minutes, the entire student body is cleared out.

Arden and I rush home ourselves because the festival begins in a few hours.

We help Mom and Dad with the rest of the inventory for the festival, then help them set up the booth.

Once we finish that task, we get ready for the festival.

* * *

By eight thirty, the festival is in full swing.

There's music being played by some guys who are both from the Merchant area and the Seam.

There are people browsing the booths in the Square, and there's entertainment, and games.

I amble around, check out some booths, and buy a savory meat and a jar of a mixture of dried fruits and nuts.

I stand around eating on that for a little bit, feeling kind of aimless, and just a little bored and lonely without Zulee here with me.

I begin to amble around the festival, looking at some stuff being sold from the Hob. I pick up a pin, and inspect it.

It's a mockingjay pin.

I set it back down and I continue to walk around the Square, walking past entertainers and games. Some little kids run past me with small bags of candy. They are giggling and weaving in and out of the crowd of the adults.

I finally begin to make my way over to the dance, which is going now. There's a bunch of people on the dance floor.

Arden and Jorleny are already dancing away, and Sal is walking around hand in hand with Constance.

I see people from school getting together for various dances.

Our music is what people used to call bluegrass and folk. We learned about it in elementary school when we still had music class. It ranges from square dances to waltzes to ballads, and it keeps your heart going.

I go and sit and one of the tables, and immediately, a flask is offered to me.

"No girl?" The guy asks.

"No," I say, deciding to give the short of it. I take the flask and take a swig of the alcohol inside and hand it back to him. "Thanks."

I don't drink on a regular basis, but sometimes there's a party, or we're all just kind of hanging around and someone has something to drink.

There are some who are addicted, who get sloppy drunk, but not very many, as alcohol is rather scarce around here, and takes forever to distill because ingredients are had to come by.

"There's other girls in need of a partner," the guy says confidently. "Like that one right there."

He abandons my lonely company for the girl and I sit back in my chair.

I look around and he's right, there are other girls, pretty girls, girls who are shy who are seeking a dance partner.

I look around, and then my eyes spot her.

Katniss.

She walks under the tent with Madge, looking..._gorgeous_.

Gorgeous, if not a little uncomfortable.

Her hair is down, falling in big waves and then curling at the end, she's got on a hint of makeup, and she's wearing a sweet pink dress that falls just above her knees. It hugs her waist, showing off her figure, and I never realized that Katniss was _that_ curvy.

_Wow_.


	7. seven

**Never Be Mine**

By: Michelle Rose Landau

Summary: The only way she'll notice me, the only way I'll know she's interested either way, is if I just talk to her...Love, sex, marriage, and family in 12.

Genre: Romance/AU; there's still Hunger Games, but Katniss and Peeta won't be Tributes.

Pairing(s)/Characters: eventual Peeta/Katniss, Gale/Katniss, Gale/Madge, OC/Tributes

Disclaimer: I do not own _The Hunger Games _series. They are the sole creative property of Suzanne Collins.

A/N: Thank you for the reviews, favorites, and follows! They are much appreciated. Enjoy.

* * *

~seven~

I look around, standing stock still as I take in all of the people on the dance floor and sitting at the tables. The whole school is here, and I feel more out of place than usual.

Madge looks at me, peeved.

"What're you waiting for?" She asks me. "Get out there, find a boy, and dance! You are _not_ wasting my good work, Katniss Everdeen!"

I never realized that Madge could be so pushy up until a few hours ago.

Madge dragged me into the girls' locker room, forced me to shower using her expensive, perfumed soap, then she did my hair, my makeup, and she gave me one of her dresses that she'd never worn.

Normally, I just go to the festival as is.

I'm not much for beauty...I don't really think about my appearance all the time. Too many other things to worry about. Merchant girls can afford to think about being pretty.

In the Seam, pretty doesn't mean a damn thing.

But, I have to admit, it feels good. I haven't looked like this in a long time, and I'm kind of okay with being wanted.

A guy comes up to me.

"Hey...Katniss, right?"

"Uh huh," I answer curtly.

"Do you want to-"

"Nuh uh," I say just as bitchy as I can manage.

He frowns and moves on to the next girl.

"Katniss, how do you expect to get set with that attitude?"

I roll my eyes and cross my arms over my chest.

"Is that all you Merchants think about? I don't want to get set," I say defensively. "I'm never getting married or having kids. Ever."

Madge sighs and tilts her head to the side.

"You shouldn't say never," she warns. "Who knows...you might just meet the man of your dreams tonight. Life is funny that way."

"Yeah, well then life's got a messed up sense of humor," I grouse.

"Look at you, Catnip," Gale smiles as he approaches me with Prim. "You clean up good."

I smile, and I gently shove his shoulder.

"Well, you have Madge to thank for that," I laugh.

"You look really nice," Prim compliments.

"Well, thank you, Little Duck," I say. "Are you going to dance? I saw a lot of boys falling all over themselves just to dance with you."

"Really?"

"Yeah," I assure. "Go on."

Prim takes off to where the little kids are.

Madge takes Gale's hand.

"Dance with me?" She asks.

"Sure," Gale nods, then they go on the dance floor. "Next one's with you, Catnip."

"I don't dance," I remind him.

"Well, you will tonight, stubborn ass," Gale chuckles as Madge tugs him onto the dance floor.

I go over to a table and sit down.

I watch as Gale and Madge dance together.

When I see them together like this, I kind of think that they just may be good for each other. Of course, Mayor Undersee would never allow it to get further than this, which is unfortunate.

The way I feel about Gale is becoming a little more complicated these days, when it used to be so simple.

Simple, until Peeta stumbled into my emotions, that is. He came along with those damned cookies, and his damned crush, and those sweet eyes...

He's a good guy.

He's got a good heart.

He's _very_ handsome.

That much I've admitted to myself before. The thing that bothers me the most is that he's so obviously interested in me, and I don't understand why.

I mean, I kind of do, but...what does he see in me?

Besides, he's been going with Zulee-Mae Holdren for the last few weeks. He seems happy with her...but I don't see her with him tonight. Did they break up?

I need to stop thinking about it. About _him_. I don't like these thoughts and feelings. I feel shallow and stupid, like a Merchant girl. Merchant girls have the time to think about shallow bullshit like that.

I look around, and I see Prim dancing with a boy, and she's blushing and smiling. She's so adorable, my Little Duck. She spots me, and she waves at me excitedly.

I wave back, feeling happiness bubble up within me.

I tug at my dress to try and bring it a little over my knees. I feel so uncomfortable showing this much of my body. It's weird. I'm usually dressed for the woods and I'm more comfortable in my dad's jacket. I should have brought it with me.

Out of my periphery, I see Peeta approaching me, and I nibble at my bottom lip, hoping that I don't look as squirmy and uncomfortable as I feel.

God, this is embarrassing...

How am I supposed to stop thinking about him if he keeps showing up?

The boy is _everywhere_. We're in every damn class at school, he watches me walk home everyday, he gave me bread and saved my life once, he carried Prim so delicately, he gave us cookies...

I feel indebted to him, and he knows it.

What the hell does he want?

* * *

I have no idea what I'm going to say as I walk toward Katniss.

She's nibbling at her bottom lip, and tugging at her dress as she tries to pretend that I'm not walking towards her.

We're both pathetically socially awkward around each other.

I wipe my suddenly sweaty palms off on my pants. This is crazy, my palms have never sweat in my entire life. Usually, when I'm nervous, my gut swirls and makes me feel like I'm going to puke.

Tonight, it's damned sweaty palms and if I have a hope of not grossing her out as well as obviously freaking her out, they need to stay dry.

I'm suddenly in front of her, and she's looking up at me, her hands clamping her dress to her knees. Her face is unreadable, aside from the pink blush in her cheeks. Her eyes are beautiful in this light, and her lips are pink and shiny with gloss, making them look even more pillowy and soft.

She smells good, too. Like lavender.

_God_...

I clear my throat.

"Hey," I manage.

"Hi," she says over the music rather timidly.

The band announces the next song, and everyone lines up.

"Do you want to dance this one with me?" I ask.

Katniss shakes her head.

"I don't dance," she replies.

"Doesn't mean that you can't," I quip with a grin.

She looks at me, letting my offer, and my hand, hang for seconds on end.

"Do you want to dance?" I ask again, more patiently than I hoped.

Katniss is so damn stubborn.

And I like that about her.

Finally, she consents, and she slips her hand into mine. She gets up, tugging at her dress with her other hand.

She's too beautiful to be this self-conscious.

I take her onto the dance floor, and we join the line.

Guys and girls stand across from each other, then the girls ruffle their dresses and dance up to the guys, circle them, then they join hands, and then they dance around after that.

It's a quick dance, and it takes you all around the dance floor.

After a few turns, we're both smiling and laughing. She's a great dancer, and we both have a good time.

Once the song ends, we're both a little out of breath, and she's flushed in her cheeks and chest. Her face is glowing and she's got a genuine smile on her face.

We release our hands, and then we applaud the band.

"Thank you," the lead member says.

After a few moments, they begin to play a slower song, and its sound is rich, deep, and romantic. You can hear the vibration of the strings in the violins, every strum of the guitars and banjos.

Katniss and I face each other, and she nibbles at her bottom lip again.

"You want to dance this one?" I ask, and she nods.

"Okay," she says.

We step closer to each other, then I take her hand in mine, and my arm winds around to her back and my suddenly trembling hand lands on the small of her back.

Katniss starts a little, then she slowly puts a hand on my shoulder.

My heart is beating in my throat, and I swallow down the hard beats as I look into her eyes. Her eyes flit around, trying to avoid mine.

"Where's your girl?" Katniss asks. "Zulee-Mae?"

"She's got a stomach flu," I explain. "She can't make it all weekend."

She nods. "I hope she's okay."

"Me too," I say.

We dance in silence for a moment, then I speak again.

"Um, thank you for the berries and canvases," I say.

Katniss looks past me over my shoulder.

Her silence is a little off-putting, and it makes me nervous and our dance awkward.

"Say something," I whisper quietly into her ear.

I may have imagined it, but I think she trembled when I whispered to her.

"I'm not good at saying something," she frowns slightly, shaking her head.

"I don't know, that sounded like you said something to me," I joke, and she rolls her eyes.

I chuckle at her response.

"Words aren't exactly my thing," she shrugs. "It's actions that matter...that sometimes say everything..."

She looks up into my eyes.

"I gave you berries and canvases because you gave me cookies and well-wishes."

I nod, then I slowly spin her, then draw her back to me and gently tilt her as the song ends.

We straighten back up, and everyone is clapping and whistling around us.

We just stand still, closer than we were before the dance. Our hands are still joined, her hand is resting on my shoulder, and my hand is still at the small of her back.

My eyes travel from her face, down the milky, fragrant column of her neck, down over her chest, which flushes pink.

Shit, I need to look at her face before I seem like an asshole..._again_.

My eyes immediately meet hers again and she is blushing, and I can tell that she'd been doing the same thing.

"Hey Catnip."

Gale is suddenly by her, and he looks at me like I've committed a heinous crime. To him, I have.

We part, and I shove my hands into my pockets.

"Thanks for the dances," I say, and she nods.

"Want to dance?" Gale asks her.

"Um, I'm pretty wiped out," she says. "I'm going to go get some food. But I think you owe Prim a dance."

"Okay," Gale chuckles.

He gives me another steely glance before he heads over to the little kids to dance with Prim.

Katniss looks at me for a moment, then she turns and heads to the booths.

Against my will, my eyes appraise her. That dress is doing wonders for her shape. She's got a nice waist...a nice, shapely backside, too. Her legs are amazing, toned, probably from trekking through the woods all the time.

Her walk is nice, too.

* * *

I know he's watching me walk away.

My hand involuntarily tugs at my dress in the back as he does so, and I might be crazy, but I think I hear him laugh a little.


	8. eight

**Never Be Mine**

By: Michelle Rose Landau

Summary: The only way she'll notice me, the only way I'll know she's interested either way, is if I just talk to her...Love, sex, marriage, and family in 12.

Genre: Romance/AU; there's still Hunger Games, but Katniss and Peeta won't be Tributes.

Pairing(s)/Characters: eventual Peeta/Katniss, Gale/Katniss, Gale/Madge, OC/Tributes

Disclaimer: I do not own _The Hunger Games _series. They are the sole creative property of Suzanne Collins.

* * *

~eight~

The conversation Katniss and I had while dancing last night was the most we've ever said to each other, and it's amazing that our first real conversation would be so insightful.

Katniss is not a words person, nor is she much for romance.

She's more about actions, which clears the air for me about a lot of things.

Tonight, she showed up in a longer, but still form fitting, orange dress. I just about lost my jaw. Orange is my favorite color, and seeing it on her did something to me that I can't even describe.

I later find out that Delly and Madge had gotten to her to dress her up again. Delly is the only other person that knows that orange is my favorite color.

Damn girls.

After dancing and socializing with other people, Katniss and I gravitate toward each other.

"You want to walk around?" I ask, and she nods.

We go into the Square and check out the booths. I buy some meat and some cookies from my parents' booth and then we sit down by a fire pit.

"So uh," I begin, looking around. "Gale isn't going to blitz attack me, is he?"

Katniss smiles. "No...why would you think that?"

"You haven't noticed that every time I've been near you he looks like he's ready to kill me?" I ask.

She shrugs and wrinkles up her nose, shaking her head a little.

"His bark is worse than his bite," she assures. "Besides, he's just...protective."

More like possessive, but I don't say that because I know that would hurt her.

"I've told him time and again that he doesn't have to protect me," she continues. "I mean, maybe at first, when I was just starting to hunt, but...I can handle myself now. I'm not that lost, desperate girl he met five years ago."

"We all did a lot of growing up," I say. "There's still some growing up to do."

She chuckles bitterly. "Not if the Capitol has anything to do with it..."

"True..."

"Honestly, it doesn't matter to me if they call my name," she confesses. "But Prim's name is going in for the first time this year. She just turned twelve."

"I'm sorry..."

She sighs. "I-I know that logic dictates that it's highly unlikely they won't pick her, but...it's still tricky. If they call her name...I can't even think about it. You know how it is...you've got brothers."

"Yeah," I say. "But they're both older...we don't really talk about the Games. Sal is too old now, and Arden's a last year, so...it's just me that's left. My brothers and I aren't close like you and your sister. They'd move on if I died in the Games. I mean, my dad would probably be sad, but mom, Arden, and Sal would probably just move on."

Katniss looks horrified.

"Peeta, that's awful," she says.

I shrug. "It is what it is."

"You're...you're so good," she marvels. "Doesn't it bother you? Make you angry that they feel that way about you?"

"Not really."

Truth is, I've absorbed enough of it that now I only have compassion for my family. I could be angry, but I don't feel that. I don't feel any bitterness. With all that goes on here, I'd rather just take it for what it is and love them anyways.

"It could be worse," I explain.

Katniss shakes her head, and she licks her finger of grease and spices contemplatively.

She's got to stop doing that. Like right now.

Not because I think it's disgusting, or unbecoming.

No.

She's got to quit it because it's...

Dear God...

"Um, so do you want to walk around some more?"

She releases her finger and she nods.

"Sure."

We walk around the festival grounds.

She plays a few games and wins a small jewelry box at one of them, and I win a gold locket, which I give to her.

I notice that she's got this little habit of stroking the ends of her hair either when she's thinking about something, nervous, or talking about something important to her.

"How come it took us so long to talk?" She asks me. "Like really talk?"

I shrug. "I don't know...well for me it was because you're always around Gale, and I just assumed that you two were..."

Katniss shrugs. "I don't know about that...I mean, Gale is my best friend. But that doesn't surprise me that you think that. Everyone thinks that there's some great romance between us, but we're just friends. I think even my mom thinks we'll be set sometime soon. I mean, if neither of us gets reaped. But...I don't think about that stuff too much, you know? I've got my mom and Prim to take care of...and sometimes I barely manage that."

"Don't say that, Katniss," I say more firmly than I intended. "You do a great job of taking care of your family. Don't ever say that. Why do you doubt yourself?"

She looks at me.

"Katniss...do you have any idea how..._amazing_ you are?" I ask and then I feel my stomach swirl. God, did I just say that? What the hell is wrong with me? I'm coming on _way _too strong.

Katniss reamins quiet for a long moment, then she looks away.

"No one's ever...told me that," she says.

And that's a damn shame because she is.

"You have no idea what you do to people," I say. "The affect you have on them."

She pushes her hair behind her ears and she blushes as she strokes the end of her hair again.

"Thanks," she says.

We walk, and there is a beat of silence between us before I speak.

"I probably should have told you this earlier, but you look beautiful," I say, feeling a little more confident.

"This is all Madge and Delly," she chuckles. "They beautified me against my will...again."

"I'm sure they didn't have to do much," I say.

She stops and looks at me.

"How is it that you always say the right things?" She asks, seriously.

Up until the last few comments, I didn't think I was saying the right things. At _all_.

"I don't," I grin. "Sometimes, I'm not good with saying something either."

She smirks, then she shivers a bit and rubs her arms.

"Do you want my jacket?"

She nods.

I take off my jacket and wrap it around her shoulders.

"Thanks," she says.

Gale and Prim approach us.

"There you are, Catnip," he says, then he looks between me and her, then he gives me a cool stare.

"Hey Gale," she says, then she smiles. "Hey Little Duck. Are you having fun?"

"Yeah," Prim says, then she pouts. "I didn't win anything from the games, though."

"What about that bracelet?" Gale reminds her with a chuckle.

"_You_ won it _for_ me," she complains. "I want to win something on my own."

"Then go win, Little Duck," Katniss says firmly. "Don't give up. Ask mom if you can have another few coins. Go win for you."

Prim nods, then she takes off to find her mother.

Honestly, I get confused as to who is actually Prim's mother.

Now, with Prim scampered off, it's just me, Katniss, and Gale, and it is awkward.

"Let her play a few more games, then take her and mom home," Katniss instructs. "Mom's probably tired, and Prim's going to be in another thirty minutes."

"You coming with us?" Gale asks, his jaw clenching, glancing at me, then looking at her expectantly. "You aren't going to stay all night."

Katniss is put off by his behavior, and that only makes her dig in her heels.

"Why am I not staying all night?" She asks.

He looks between us again.

"W-well because...y-you never stay all night," he stammers. "And you said earlier that you couldn't wait to come out of that ridiculous dress."

"Well, I changed my mind," Katniss huffs. "And, I _never_ said the dress was ridiculous."

"You hate dresses," he argues.

"Yeah, I do, but that doesn't mean I can't feel good in them every now and then," she retorts rather bashfully. "You're being a real asshole right now, Gale, jeez...I'm staying here. I'll come home when I'm ready. I can handle myself."

"I'll walk her home," I offer, and she glares at me. "I'll see that she gets home safely."

"Goddamn it, I don't need either of you protecting me," she huffs as she walks off.

Gale shakes his head. "Dammit...that stubborn-ass..."

"Gale, you can trust me," I assure, and he sighs. "You're right, everybody's here. She shouldn't walk home by herself. I'll see her home, okay?"

He clearly doesn't like the idea, but he knows that she's really not going to listen to a damn thing he has to say at this point.

"Fine," he gruffs. "You better watch after her tonight, or else I'm kicking your ass, Mellark."

"I'll stay with her," I promise. "Don't worry."

With that, he takes off.

* * *

For the first time in a long time, I'm angry at Gale.

I know that he feels the need to protect me all the time, but he's _never_ treated me like a China doll before like he did tonight.

And in front of Peeta.

It was completely embarrassing that he made me seem weak, like I couldn't take care of myself...like I _haven't_ been taking care of myself for the last five years. Gale knows what I'm capable of, he knows that I can put up a good fight if I need to.

Besides, we encounter more danger walking and hunting in the woods than we do walking home at night in 12. There's hardly that much crime that occurs. Life is already hard enough here without people hurting each other.

I think back on the encounter we all just had, and it was very awkward.

I know that Gale has feelings for me. I've known it for quite some time, just like I've known that Peeta has had feelings for me for a while.

Most girls would love being pursued by two guys at once, but it just makes me feel uncomfortable. With Gale, for me, the lines are clearly drawn.

I mean, I love him, but not in the romantic sense. I don't even know what sense I mean.

I like boys, but I've never given them much thought. I don't think about going with a guy and maybe being set and then married. It's not something that I want all the time like Delly or Madge. They can afford to play those childish games, but I can't. Most Seam girls can't.

When we do marry, it's out of necessity. Sure, there's a little love, but it's not the passionate, romantic kind. It's a different kind of love. It's the kind of love I feel for Gale.

We take care of each other, Prim loves him like a brother and looks up to him.

He's my hunting partner.

Sometimes I think I want to feel more for him, and maybe someday I will, but it doesn't matter because I'm never getting married or having kids. I'm not going to bring a child into a world where the Hunger Games exist.

I couldn't bear it if one or more of my children were chosen as Tribute.

I'm not giving the savages at the Capitol the satisfaction.

"There you are."

I look up and I see Peeta taking a seat next to me on the bench near the fire pit.

I level him with a look.

"Don't do that again," I say.

"What?" He asks.

"Don't treat me like I need to be rescued or something like that," I hiss. "I don't need that from you. I can take care of myself. Gale knows that, damn well knows that, and now you know too."

"Alright," he says. "You have my word. I'm sorry."

We sit in silence for a few minutes, then Peeta looks at me.

"He only does it because he cares about you," he explains. "A lot."

"I can look after myself," I insist.

Peeta chuckles. "That's abundantly clear."

I roll my eyes.

"Katniss, there's nothing wrong with being looked after sometimes," he advises. "You can't be strong all the time. You're going to need someone other than yourself one day. Embrace it...'cause the whole 'me, myself, and I' philosophy you've got can get pretty damn lonely."

Deep down, I know he's right somehow, but I refuse to admit it.

"Let's walk around some more."

I nod and I get up and we walk around some more.

* * *

We lose ourselves in the festival, dancing a few times, then we get more to eat, and play games.

We sit and we talk about all kinds of things, and I find that Katniss is even more intelligent than I previously thought. Talking with her is a pleasure because she's so mature, and she doesn't bullshit. She tells you what she's thinking and why, and she just knows things that I never thought about before.

Before we both know it, it's almost sunup, and we're both tired, but in a good way.

"Oh jeez," she says. "It's almost six...wow, we've been out all night."

"God...um, wow," I stammer. "I guess we better get home."

Katniss nods.

"Can I walk you home?" I ask.

She mulls my question over for a long moment, then she answers.

"Sure," she says.

I guide her gently through the crowd, and it eventually thins, then we're walking down the road to the Seam.

I've never been to the Seam before, and I honestly don't know what to expect.

We walk in relative silence, remarking about some aspect of the festival every now and then.

The Seam smells of coal, dust, and dirt. It's so gray and dull, and the houses are different. They look older, some of them run down, and smaller than the houses and apartments in the Merchant side of twelve.

The desperation is all around me suddenly, and I can feel the deep, collective ache of the people that live here. I am reminded once again of how fortunate I am.

I look at Katniss, take her in in this dress, how amazing she looks, and all I think is that she doesn't belong here.

It's so hard for me to believe that this is the same girl who nearly starved to death five years ago, who has been hunting to keep herself and her family well fed; it's hard for me to believe that she has to live like this.

She deserves so much more than this.

We stop in front of her house.

Katniss looks at me.

"Thank you, Peeta," she says quietly. "I enjoyed your company at the festival."

"I enjoyed yours too," I say. "Um...yeah. So..."

"So...I'll see you," she says.

She takes off my jacket and hands it back to me.

"Thank you," she says.

"You're welcome."

We just stand there, near her front porch for a long moment, and the first light of sun suddenly brightens the sky with brilliant shades of orange.

I have no idea what to do or say next...

I don't want to say that we'll meet up again because it wasn't a meet up...we're not going together. I'm going with Zulee-Mae...

I don't want to say that we'll hang together either because we likely won't...but the crazy thing is that I _do_ want to spend time with her. I _do_ want to go with her.

I'm a bastard.

Zulee's at home, probably sick as a dog, and I'm spending all night at the festival with another girl.

I'm officially a son of a bitch. An asshole.

Jeez, I'm in deep shit here, and I have no idea what the hell I'm doing.

I'm in the Seam.

With Katniss.

I'm inviting trouble, but I don't care.

Screw it.

"Um..." I begin awkwardly. "I was thinking-"

"I'll see you around at school, Peeta," she cuts across me, and then she turns and goes into the house.

"Okay," I say a beat later.

I look up, and I see her peeking down at me from her upstairs window. When she sees me, she moves away, the lace curtain falling back in place.

I should be feeling good, and happy after spending time with her and really talking to her for the first time after eleven years, but I not.

I'm confused, and I feel guilty, and I've got the sense that I fucked up something really delicate here.

I put my hands in my pockets and head home.


	9. nine

**Never Be Mine**

By: Michelle Rose Landau

Summary: The only way she'll notice me, the only way I'll know she's interested either way, is if I just talk to her...Love, sex, marriage, and family in 12.

Genre: Romance/AU; there's still Hunger Games, but Katniss and Peeta won't be Tributes.

Pairing(s)/Characters: eventual Peeta/Katniss, Gale/Katniss, Gale/Madge, OC/Tributes

Disclaimer: I do not own _The Hunger Games _series. They are the sole creative property of Suzanne Collins.

A/N: Thanks for all of the reviews, favorites, and follows! They are much appreciated.

* * *

~nine~

Talking with Peeta all night at the festival sparked something within me. I can't quite describe it, it's something so strange and unfamiliar to me.

I can't stop thinking about our conversations; he is _so_ good with words, almost like a poet or a writer, only he never puts it to page. He knows just what to say, and there's something so heartbreakingly genuine about him.

Out of everything we talked about, I remember that he was most passionate and knowledgable about art. He told me about all the books he's read about art, about how it took him years to gain the skill, and how it was on his bucket list to get to the Capitol one day and see the art in the museums there. He talked about how his father taught him to have a delicate hand.

I can tell that he loves his father most.

Mr. Mellark is the complete antithesis to Mrs. Mellark.

Where Mrs. Mellark is rude, mean, and gossipy, Mr. Mellark is calm, generous, and watchful. He doesn't say much-he leaves all the talking to his wife-but when he does, it's usually kind words.

I wonder if Mrs. Mellark ever abuses him too...he's a big man, sure, but he's so kind and humble, like Peeta.

His brothers sound like they're kind of the same.

They're all big, though, but even though Peeta is the youngest, he's stronger, bigger, and faster.

While I liked talking to him, I don't know what he wants, or why he's so hung up on me.

I know that he's had a crush on me for the longest time, but he and I both know that Seams and Merchants don't mix...often.

He knows I've got Merchant blood in me, but it's not enough to just be a half breed. I live in the Seam, I'm a Seam girl, simple as that.

Prim could probably get away with it when she gets my age, but me? No.

I think about his eyes, how sweet they are.

Peeta's got these sky blue eyes that turn into a cerulean color when the sun hits them. I've never seen that happen to someone's eyes before and it's fascinating.

God...I feel that spark again, that good pang in my heart, that little twinge in my stomach.

This is strange.

I don't feel this way about boys...

"Catnip..._Catnip_..."

I blink a few times, and then I turn my attention to Gale.

"Have you been listening?" He asks. "You kind of drifted..."

"Oh, nothing," I say as we share bread in the meadow just outside the woods. "Yeah, I was listening."

He looks out at the woods.

"We should just go," he repeats. "Just pack up our stuff and head out at midnight. We should just go."

I'm doubtful of his plan.

"Can you imagine Prim in the woods?" I say. "Your mom? _My_ mom?"

He chuckles. "True, but...we could teach them. Sure, they're squirmy, but at least they'll be alive."

"I guess," I shrug. "But what about the others?"

"What others?"

I look at him. "Gale...there's lots of good people here...we'd be leaving so many people behind."

"Katniss...yeah, it's sad but, what can we do?" He asks. "I mean, sure, there are people who hate what's going on, but that doesn't mean they're willing to leave. It's home."

"Sometimes I wish that we could just pack up and leave," I sigh. "But...there's still so much keeping me here. My house, my memories..."

_Peeta_, I think, and I quickly shake my head of the thought. I've been doing that a lot lately.

"Yeah," Gale agrees.

We see a hovercraft, and a few trucks drive in.

"Peacekeepers," Gale says.

We get up and run through the meadow and back through the fence.

Around here, most Peacekeepers look the other way when it comes to the Hob, or any other trading.

I don't know if it's because of the fact that they get something out of it, or if they feel badly about enforcing rules that would surely push us all into starvation because twelve is one of the poorest districts, but they've shown us more mercy than in the other districts.

When there is no significant commotion, I know that they've been sent just to do their due diligence and report that everything is copacetic in twelve.

We are allowed the comfort of carrying on.

Gale and I go our separate ways, leaving our talk of escaping into the woods in the meadow.

* * *

For the last few weeks, Katniss and I have been feeling the pull towards each other. It's becoming harder and harder to resist.

Now, when we look at each other, we both just smile or chuckle a little.

We still stay in our separate circles, and I'm still going with Zulee-Mae, though things have been different between me and her. She's been kind of cool towards me lately, and I know the reason. I'm part of the reason.

On a bitter cold afternoon after school, I walk home with Zulee-Mae.

I try to take her hand in mine, but she lightly smacks it away and she walks a little head of me.

"Zulee-"

She turns to me, a mixture of hurt and resignation in her eyes.

"Don't," she says softer than I expected. "Look...do you really want to be with me?"

I sigh and shove my hands into my pockets, and she knows from my silence what the answer to her question is.

She crosses her arms over her chest, and I can see her breath in the frigid late October air.

"I heard rumors," she continues. "And you know I don't get in to that petty bullshit...but people around school have been talking about you and that girl, Katniss...how you two danced and looked pretty cozy at the festival."

"I-"

She holds her hand up and I stop talking.

"At first, I was thinking that they're making shit up, shallow fools," she huffs. "But then...I stopped fooling myself. I stopped pretending that you don't look for her, that your eyes don't light up when you see her, that you and her aren't stealing glances across the room..."

She pauses and looks at me.

"Did you really like me?" She asks. "Or was I just a distraction because you've been pining after her for so long? And don't bullshit me, Peeta. Tell me the damn truth."

I swallow back the painful lump in my throat.

"A little of both," I admit, and she winces, probably with a pang of hurt. "I really do like you, Zulee-Mae. You're an amazing girl, and you're talented. We have so much in common. I-I admit that when I asked you out that I was angry at Katniss...and I was trying to just forget about how I felt..._feel_ about her."

Zulee-Mae's eyes soften.

"You're in love with her, aren't you?"

"Yes," I confess. "I'm in love with her. _Deeply_."

Zulee-Mae steps closer to me.

"You're a great guy, Peeta," she says. "You're honest and sweet. I believe it..."

"I'm sorry that I hurt you, Zulee," I apologize. "That wasn't my intention."

"I know," she smiles sadly. "She's a lucky girl. Just...jump, Peeta. Go with her. Don't let all this fucked up shit about Seams versus Merchants stop you. I can tell that just talking about her makes you completely happy. You have to grab happiness where you can get it."

I nod. "Okay."

She sighs, then she leans in and kisses my cheek.

"Thank you," she says. "I'll see you around, Peeta."

"See you around, Zulee."

She gives me an encouraging smile, then she heads home.

Feeling emboldened by our conversation, I head home quickly, and as I start work, I decide that I will jump.


	10. ten

Never Be Mine

By: Michelle Rose Landau

Summary: The only way she'll notice me, the only way I'll know she's interested either way, is if I just talk to her...Love, sex, marriage, and family in 12.

Genre: Romance/AU; there's still Hunger Games, but Katniss and Peeta won't be Tributes.

Pairing(s)/Characters: eventual Peeta/Katniss, Gale/Katniss, Gale/Madge, OC/Tributes

Disclaimer: I do not own _The Hunger Games _series. They are the sole creative property of Suzanne Collins.

A/N: Thank you for all the reviews, favorites, and follows! I know some of you have commented on Peeta and Katniss' behavior with their respective others, and it may have vexed you, but the interactions and attitudes were intentional. To answer your comment Sue Ellen, Gale and Katniss' relationship is complicated and intimate. They just know what the other needs. The confrontation scene at the festival was completely intentional because of that "sixth sense" they share. I suppose I should have added some parts where Gale was off doing his thing at the festival to thwart the impression that he was just hanging around Prim all night while Katniss was hanging with Peeta. I wanted to emphasize that even though they're close, they are still individual. In my mind, and as I was writing the scene, I saw Gale doing his own thing. I did not picture him with Prim the whole evening, only going to retrieve her because he counted on the fact that it was getting late, and Katniss' usual: going home with him. I hope that cleared some things up about that scene. To answer your point about your side-eyeing Peeta, he can't be all noble all the time, and he's a sixteen year old boy. Hopefully the conversation between Zulee and Peeta in the previous chapter brought him back into your good graces! Thank you for your review, and you gave me something to think about with the direction of the story. Thanks to all who are reviewing. Enjoy.

* * *

~ten~

The pull between Katniss and I seems stronger now that Zulee-Mae and I are no longer going together.

I just want to be near her again, I want to talk to her more, and hear her voice, her opinions, her thoughts. I want to be able to look into her eyes up close, and smell her natural scent, and see her smile.

It takes Katniss a good week to be sure, it seems, that Zulee-Mae and I are no longer a couple. In the meanwhile, she has managed to extricate herself from Gale's company. She still walks home with him everyday, but she doesn't spend as much time with him during the day.

When we look at each other, I think we both realize that we are about to begin something that neither of us can or will stop.

* * *

I can't temper the craving I have to be in Peeta's company again. I've never felt this way before. I always feel this flutter whenever I think about him. It's foreign to me, but I don't dislike it.

I recognize that I feel different around him. He brings out this part of me that I always keep hidden, that I don't feel like I can't be.

I've been feeling the urge to gravitate to him, but I knew I had to be careful and precise with it, especially knowing that he and Zulee-Mae were still going together.

Rumors have been circulating around school, and of course that gave the Merchant girls something to peck at for weeks on end. I've gotten stares from people who have heard, I've heard snippets about what people think happened between me and Peeta when we stayed all night at the festival:

"I think they fooled around..."

"She probably found some dirty alley in the Seam and let him fuck her..."

"What a bitch to be with him like that knowing he's going with Zulee-Mae..."

I want to be more offended, I probably should be, but I've been called worse, and I've heard worse about me before. It doesn't bother me, but if I need to, I'll call bullshit. Otherwise, I could give a shit.

It's lunch time, and I see Peeta coming outside onto the schoolyard with his friends.

There aren't as many older kids outside because of the cold. The little kids don't care, they'll play in a thunderstorm if you let them, and my sister is included in that bunch.

I see Peeta settling in on the dried up grass.

His eyes meet mine, and I begin to walk over to him.

* * *

Katniss takes long, bold strides, and suddenly, she is before me, blocking the bright sun, and her obstruction creates a crown of fire and illuminates her dark brown hair.

My friends fall silent, and I stand up.

"Hi Katniss," I say, trying not to seem too eager, and trying not to give away my excitement.

"Hi," she says. "Um...do you want to..."

She gestures a circle with her pointer finger.

"Walk around the campus?"

She nods, looking nervous.

"Sure," I say.

We begin to walk, and Katniss crosses her arms across her chest.

She asks me about Zulee-Mae.

"It was cordial," I explain. "We're still going to be friends."

"That's good," Katniss comments.

"Yeah," I agree. "I mean, she was kind of pissed at first, but I think telling her the truth made her feel better."

Katniss looks at me. "You're honest to a fault."

I shrug. "It's not a bad thing, is it?"

"I don't know yet," she says. "If I ask you something, are you going to tell me the truth?"

I nod. "Yes."

She stops and faces me.

"How long have you been in love with me?"

Jeez, she went right for the damn jugular.

Kill me...

I take a long minute to ponder her question, trying to decide just exactly how long I've just admitted to myself that I'm in love with her, and when I decided that I'm in love with her.

"I've had a crush on you since kindergarten," I begin.

She raises her eyebrows. "_Kindergarten_?"

"Yeah," I chuckle. "My dad told me who you were. It was the very first day of school for us, and I remember we had the music assembly. Our teacher asked if anyone knew the Valley Song and your hand when right up. She was impressed when you told her that you knew the whole song word for word.

When you sang, you...mesmerized me. I've been mesmerized ever since, Katniss. I fell in love with you when...I saw you in the back of the bakery, rummaging for food. I saw that you were about to...give up completely, and I burned that bread because I knew that I wouldn't have anything to live for if you died..."

Katniss tilts her head to the side. "Peeta..."

"I knew my mom was going to be pissed, but I didn't care," I continue. "I couldn't bear the thought of not ever seeing you again. I cared so much about you, and when you looked at me, huddled under our tree, you looked so beautiful, even in the state you were in. I fell for you so hard then...I fell in love with you, and I've been in love with you ever since."

She opens her mouth to say something, but her lips form no words, and she closes her mouth, looking away.

"Jeez," she sighs.

"I-I'm sorry to just dump all that on you at once," I apologize and she shakes her head.

"No, I asked, and you answered," she says.

We continue to walk, and we fall silent. I can tell that she's thinking about all that I told her.

"Katniss, I'm not looking for you to feel the exact same way," I tell her.

"What I feel is...complicated," she says. "What I know for sure right now is that I want to be around you."

"Me too," I say.

"I just want to take it slowly," she says.

"Sure," I say. "Yeah...slow is good."

We continue walking.

"You know that people are going to talk," she says.

"I know," I shrug. "But I don't get in to that...I don't care. I think it's stupid, the rule."

"My mom broke the rule," she explains. "Married my father. I don't think her father ever forgave her. He died when I was really little."

"From what I heard, your dad was a good man," I say.

She nods. "He was...the best dad. Dad was my best friend. I know that sounds weird..."

"No, it doesn't..."

She continues. "He taught me so much. He loved my Mom...they were truly, truly in love. I could see it in their eyes. Losing him nearly killed her...nearly killed all of us."

Katniss pauses and wipes at a tear that escapes, then she looks at me.

"But then you saved me," she says quietly. "That loaf of bread that you gave me fed us enough for me to think. For me to come up with a plan. I found hope that day, Peeta. And even though it took me so long to actually talk to you, and for us to get here, I _never_ forgot that. I've always been so grateful to you. Thank you."

Her words make my heart race, and I want to hug her, I want to feel her in my arms, but I resist the urge.

Boundaries mean a lot to her, and I know that I'll set her back if I violate those boundaries.

Instead, I look at her.

"You mean everything to me, Katniss," I say. "You give me hope too."

I can tell by the look on her face that she's doubtful of that, but she doesn't say anything.

The bell rings, and we both head back inside.


End file.
